i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
