Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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