Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
