How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
