I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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