OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
