dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
