i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
