Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
