Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
