4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
