I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
