so that wasnt chicken after all
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
