I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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