i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
