Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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