You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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