What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
