am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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