woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
