so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
