I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
