# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
