I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
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