Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
