I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
