dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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