I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
