What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
