another moral hangover. fuck.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
