I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
