i was born a porn star she said
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
