there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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