And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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