Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
