i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
