woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
