do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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