I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
