She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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