those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
