Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
