she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
