the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
