Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
