I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
