you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
