No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
