i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
there is glitter all over my balls
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
