fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
