So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
