Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
