just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
