Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
