I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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