have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize