Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
