it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
