It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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