trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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