i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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