i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
