Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
