I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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