The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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