Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
