I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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