dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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