I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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