i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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