Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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