His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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