____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
