if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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