my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
