Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
