i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
