8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
