question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
